I have spent much of the last two years justifying myself to people who simply didn’t understand: we can only be friends if you take my hand and run through the rain when the movie lets out.
There is another friendship that doesn’t end with you and me side by side.
I have said it over and over: Twitter brought me friends who matter.
And in others’ doubts, I thought two things about that:
- I must not have been good enough to make friends in person.
- These phone calls and text messages and G-chats and Skype dates didn’t count.
It was a terrible way to feel. And I know, when I could be going to the grocery store and bonding over bo-go Edy’s mint chocolate chip ice cream, it’s hard to justify sitting on my couch and tweeting someone in another city.
Get out, get out, speak out loud. Don’t shrug when the cashier asks how you’re doing this afternoon. Don’t blush if you begin to mirror a stranger’s smile.
Maybe that’s the writers curse.
We feel joy coming from the other side of the dressing room door when the dress fits just right. We duck our heads if we start to empathize with someone who just doesn’t have enough cash on them. We like to keep it all here, where we can edit and backspace before we submit our thoughts to the world.
Maybe, the confused tell you, that’s the reason you have these so-called friends. Maybe you’re hiding behind the screen because you want time to think before you speak.
I promise, I’m not. I promise, these friends of yours are real. I promise, it has nothing to do with whether you write or read or wink at the sales associate ringing up your metallic ballet flats and scribble your number on an old receipt.
Introvert or not, we want to connect and understand and be understood.
So I’m done feeling bad. For having friends who can’t laugh when my hair sticks up in the morning. For smiling with the mother whose kids are skipping through the parking lot.
I hope you find a friend—online or in the grocery store or waiting at the train station—who understands where you’ve been or where you’re headed. I hope nobody tries to twist your arm until you say, “You’re right. It doesn’t count.”
It counts. Every time you feel that smile creep up on your face. Every time your head begins to nod in understanding. It always counts.
Side note: I have some of the best friends in the world—online and offline. And if you’re wondering how I feel about friends, it is in my Friendship Manifesto.
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I’d run through the rain with you. I love it when it rains. I did it at work the other day I ran from the office to the car and then when I got home 10 minutes later and the rain had stopped lol.
“I must not have been good enough to make friends in person.” I regularly feel this. I struggle to make friends in person – I feel that the people around me at the moment are friends with me because they feel they should be (as some kind of charity case) and they invite me places out of politeness rather than because they actually want me there. Maybe I’m going slowly bonkers or over thinking it all but I struggle. The people I consider my best friends one lives in Norwich which is like an hour and a half by car and the second is in Australia – I’m in the UK. Me and my uni friends haven’t spoken pretty much since the beginning of May when we met up for my birthday – this is partially my fault that I haven’t made contact but at the same time they haven’t made contact either.
UGH! As a friend of mine says some friends are for a time, some are for a season and some are for keeps.
YES. I never thought that friends online could really be your “friends.” Well… blogging and twitter have proved me wrong! I have a couple of friends (one in AUSTRALIA) who are completely amazing and I never would have met them if it weren’t for the internet. I love them so much and grateful for their friendship every single day. No, we haven’t “met” in “real life”, but still my friends. We get each other. Sometimes I have those same emotions of wondering if I just am incapable of making friends where I am, but I’m learning that it’s ok. It’s okay to have real friends who really understand you who may not live in the same town as you do and to have a face to face conversation you have to use Skype. That’s okay.
More friends online than offline, the blogger’s curse. I do have a group of very best friends “in real life” (I hate that term) who mean the world to me. It’s just that some times I feel most understood by people I’ve never even met. I used to think about it a lot until I realized: it is statistically improbably that the people you would get along with the most would be in your immediate vicinity. That the Internet has provided us a way to find these people and to connect with them? That’s a good thing.
I am glad to see someone else understands. Those online friendships are just so special and they do count. yes they do.
This is so true that it hurts. But I hope you know that you’re worth being friends with and people make the effort because they care. And some people, when they don’t, it’s not because of you. I’ve learned that actions speak, but we sometimes misinterpret them.
I hate that, too, but still find myself using it. This is real life, too, you know? I absolutely love what you just said, and it makes so much sense.
They do. They matter. They feel special to me, too.
They can, Emmy. They can. I think that’s wonderful and cool and crazy lucky to say that. Coming from someone who’s relied on the Internet to keep in touch even with friends I met first in person, I understand you.
I’d run through the rain with you after seeing a movie, stop in the middle of my day to grab coffee with you, and I certainly do smile at your tweets and emails. You are amazing, Kaleigh, and I consider you a friend, for sure. I absolutely love this post.
You, too, Sara. You too. We need to get together sometime because I think we’ve got a lot in common.
I completely agree. Any time we happen to be in the same area, we must get together. But for now, emails and tweets will have to do.
Feel free to do either at anytime.
I am so grateful to have met you. I don’t think it matters how we met, how we interact, even if I can’t see you in person. I’m your friend, online, offline, etc.
I so agree without the internet I wouldn’t have half the friends I have. There’s Rubes who is in Australia – we met via Twitter. I was invited to her wedding (I live in the UK!) and ended up watching her wedding via a video stream. Another friend is Becca we met via Twitter as well and have met in person – we both auditioned for a quiz show here in the UK we were going to be on the same team.
Without the internet I wouldn’t have got to know Kaleigh – now that would suck!!